Recently, I received a surprise phone call from one of my best friends. We hadn’t spoken in a long while, and when we talked, it was as if we’d never been apart. We picked up right where we’d left off. To me, that’s the sign of a true and lasting friendship. No matter what time or distance lies between you and a soul mate, you’re never really that far apart.
I’m blessed to have several super close friends. And the funny thing is that of the six I think of as “sister-friends,” four have been my friends since I was a kid. As I’ve gotten older, it seems more challenging to make new friendships, and I’m trying to figure out why. I’m not an unfriendly person by any means, but I think we become more wary of others and protective of our personal space and thoughts as time passes. In youth, we are more receptive to connecting with others, always looking for partners to share life’s ride.
From kindergarten until 7th grade, I felt like I had no close friends for what seemed like the longest time. Though there were many kids I played with in our neighborhood or at school, I felt a bit adrift until I reached junior high.
I remember the day I met my dear friend, Nan. That summer, a neighbor boy named Mark would frequently come to our house to play basketball with my brothers. One day, Mark was excited because our church was getting a new pastor. My family had stopped attending church, and Mark thought I should come back because the new pastor had three daughters, and one was my age and would want to make new friends. I balked, thinking Mark must have a crush on the new girl. Since I was secretly smitten with him, I felt jealous that he mentioned this other girl he was impressed with. I decided then that I didn’t care to meet her.
Summer soon passed, and the first day of school arrived. I would be going to junior high. My classes would no longer consist of the thirty or so classmates I’d known in elementary school. Now students from all the other schools in our town would be there too. There would be many new faces, and I was a bit nervous, wishing I had a close pal to stick to during this adjustment period.
In my homeroom, I recognized only a small number of former classmates. To my right sat a nice-looking girl with long brown hair and a charming smiley face. I smiled back. “I’m Julie, “What’s your name?” I asked. “I’m Nan Flaherty,” she replied. “I just moved here.” Right away, I suspected she was the girl that Mark had mentioned. “Do you know Mark Butler?” I asked. She lit up. “Yes! He goes to my church!” she said. “He’s my neighbor,” I replied. “He told me about you and said we should meet.” And the rest was history.
Instantly, we clicked and stuck together for the next six years. I loved Nan. She was and still is a perpetually happy person who laughs easily and sees everything on the bright side. I’m prone to bouts of doubt and low self-esteem, so Nan was good for me. She pulled me along on her happy journey through our teen years. And I’m so grateful. I’ve often wondered what my life would have been like had I never met her. I feel strongly that she saved me and brought out my best self. Nan also helped me widen my circle of dear and trusted, fun-loving friends.
Nan and I have remained close friends for 51 years, which I can hardly believe. The time has flown. We saw each other almost daily for those first six years. However, once we graduated from high school, we went our separate ways, and we maintained our relationship through writing and only occasional visits every five or ten years. Nan married and had a large family. I married, had one child, divorced, and remarried. We both had careers. She was a social worker, and I was a museum educator mostly, but I tried on many other professions along the way – archaeological technician, librarian, environmental educator, cake decorator, restaurant owner, substitute teacher.
Despite devoting our time to our families, careers, and various interests, we’ve managed to hang onto one another. When we make those rare phone calls, it’s as if we are still those girls who met so long ago. And I still love her so much.
I have several other sister-friends—Brenda, Hope, Ann, Katie, and Sheri—who have stood the test of time and know my deepest darkest secrets, hopes, and fears. They’re friends I’ve laughed and cried with and who I’d run to in a heartbeat if they needed me.
At thirteen, my granddaughter, Jaycie, has found her best friend, coincidentally at the same age I was when I met Nan. Only a couple of years ago, she confided in me that she wished for a close friend but couldn’t find one. I told her she’d find one when she least expected it. Then, one summer, she began talking more and more about a special collection of pals she’d made at YMCA day camp. The name “Hadley,” in particular, became a household word. I told Jaycie I was so happy she’d found her tribe. “Oh, grandma,” she said, smiling. “I love that! I have a tribe!” “Well, they are, you know,” I said. “They’re your people — your collection of trusted friends. You’re a little family of kindred spirits.” And it had happened when she wasn’t expecting it to. It was easy and organic.
Unexpected friendships can be game-changers when you find them, regardless of your age. Friends can give us the incentive to try new things. They help us understand that we are worth loving. They add joy to our lives and make us want to love, make room for others, and be part of all the goodness in the world. I wish everyone on earth had someone close they could call a best friend at some point.
Be sure to check out this month’s book review under Recommended Reads. Best Frints in the Whole Universe by Antoinette Portis is sure to make you smile.
Little Seeds Read 